happy to be here

this afternoon i read that people who were born after 1981, have least privacy standard. i found it right. i just need somewhere to write and say what i have in my head. and im so happy to be here.

i finally wrote something about him

one nite, a young man told me " i like you"
and i gasped.
i thought " what a crazy guy who said that directly to a girl that he likes"
i knew back then that he doesnt like history, but still i told him mine. he doesn't mind. he doesn't smile. but now, he's mine.
the first couple of days of our love life story, a big storm came.
frankly to say, i was thinking of leaving.
luckily, he got my heart so tight to his. i stay, until today.
there are so many days, i wonder to my self, what makes me love him?
... today i have the one exact answer. You are not the love that i have dreamt about all this time. You are the love that's real and i'm glad i have you here not in my dream. And i can't imagine my self as a person who's not loving you.

maybe i have or i haven't say it, directly or written to you, so i'll say
... Thank you Ara, for being tough, hard, but gentle and soft at the same time.
for being such a man who sincerely put everything behind just to make sure we are okay.
for letting me being selfish at a time and pinch my ears when i go to far.
for letting me get in to your room and sleep next to you.
for washing the dishes that not even yours.
for the best smile, smile that i always miss, though it is just a second ago i saw it.
for making me feel i'm beautiful in your eyes.
for loving me the way you have been.
for not yelling when i am.
for hugging me when the tears are rolling like a snow ball.
for picking me up late at night when it may cause you problems.


fights and tears that we had is getting their numbers more and more as we go on together.
i know there'll be hard time, i know there are times when we are feeling like going away.
but i know no matter how far i go, my place is to be next to you so that i can breathe and feel safe.
i can't promise you to be the best women you'll ever met, but i know, with you i have the chance to be the most i can be.

forgive me for the mistakes i had done.
for the curses that has flown out from my mouth.
for the unreasonable tears that i did.
for the jealousy.
for the inability to understand you.
for the inconvenience i've caused you.
for the selfishness for wanting you to put me and my feeling first
i owe you thousands of sorry.

I can't promise you to say to you how sorry i am each and every day. but i promise you to let you know and feel how i love you each and every day.

this is not a wedding vow.

it is just things i always wanted to say to you. and i don't want to loose any chance.

hey swandita, you'll be a great man for your parents, for your brother and sister, for your wife, for your children, for your friend.
and for me, you are already be a great man.

put your dreams high hun, so no one will reach it and tear it down. put it high so only God can take it and make it come true.

nite sweetheart.

a. saulina

equality of fashion

i went to facehunter party at Jakarta a couple days ago, and i just found out that most of the people in Jakarta doesn't really have their own street style. we are just copying what we saw at the blog and bring it to real life. i feel sorry for my self, my friends, people that i know, or i might don't know.

maybe we just don't have to try so hard to be known as the up to date fashion people.

that is just so tiring.

Home isn't a building nor an address
It is heart
Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT

the fire on the beach

one thing that i love about this life is..when things getting wrong around you, you'll always have someone to hug you and sing loudly just to shade you from the evilly sound. and the stars..they'll always be there..luckily

agnes saulina

in this life we have to chose for whom we'll give our life to just to defend them

Win Ruslan

i don't know what lust is but i know that it is nice

agnes saulina

you search you found

trust me, there's no future in the past...

anonymous

Whether you think you can or think you can't - you are right.

Henry Ford

It was times like these when I thought my father, who hated guns and had never been to any wars, was the bravest man who ever lived.

Harper Lee

conversation under the thinking tree

Thinking tree is so beautiful. It forces you to say what’s on your mind. Some words might hurt, strengthen you and other people who sit under the thinking tree. That night there were four girls who took a couple of sips of thinking juice. The first girl that is the one who always thought that she is the fat one, the average at everything, and the never been get understand. The second one is the tinny girl, the multitalented one, the brave one, and the self known best. The third is the little sister one, always being steered, never brave enough to take responsibilities, and always being underestimated, not forget to mention that she is undoubtedly beautiful. The last one, the Bronx one, the one who used to take the charge and sometimes felt forgotten by the others.

They sat under the tree. They start to realize that life lies under couple layer of consciousness. Nothing is real enough in this life though you are haven’t drink the juice. When you say I’m sane you’re getting out of another layer of unconsciousness. The thinking moment start when the first girl trying to be conscious, I’m not there when she start to talk with the tinny one. But all I know is there are four of us, in our world, we’re not insane, we’re not drunk, we’re just in our dimension, with our point of view, with our magical moment that God sent us, and with angelic sound playing in our blood.

I heard the first girl thought that she is never been get understand by any being around her. It is an opposite with this tinny brave girl, she knows herself very well, never take a second to care about anybody’s thought about her, which is I love from her. We talk, we share, and we get understand that nobody understand anybody. We are just making theories of what ones was doing and thinking, and force our self to make those theories look even more possible than the way it should be.Nobody is average. This first girl is amazingly blessed with great smile, not doing very well at the library but no money will went wrong in her hand. Nobody is average I tell you. You'll see.

Then we look at our little friend, the beautiful one who never realizes that, in the name of the universe we love her and want the best for her. She cried, she cried of happiness because the thinking tree cover us with magical energy so we told her what on earth her face is look like. How can any human see what’s inside her brain. Those bright point of few, those ability to take in charge, those smile who can makes everybody feels home. That little girl is a big women inside and nobody see it yet, but yes the thinking tree see it coming. Walking nervously, the little sister always start her day with that standard. But under the thinking tree she has promised to embrace the beauty of nature that Lord has put in her face, the warmth of a blanket that lies in her smile. Little girl won’t be steered. She knows it. She is strong enough. The thinking tree knows it. We know it.

Tinny girl, do what a big girl can’t do. She waves those beautiful melody, she wink like a champion, she walks like she is 170cm, she dance like she is a superstar, and she dress like she just won a million dollar. She loves life I can tell you that. Under the thinking tree she told us what was the impossibility. It is nothing. It just doubt that become reality. Don’t doubt so it won’t be impossible.

The last one, she has done nothing in her life except walking through it, she thought. She cries for wanting killing people that she hate, she cries for not being able to have a home like she always had imagine. She cried. Under the thinking tree, she heard the best think she could ever imagine, “you are a fighter”. You’re Penny Lane. She loves that word. She said to the little girl that we all are the big trees in the forest no mater happened we are not the one who search a tree to lean on but they search us to lean on. No matter what season come, big tree is a big tree, your root already being a part of the earth, other being might chop you hard but you’ll stick to your root.

Moon turns to sun, they took their way home on a vehicle. They realize that the front mirror is bigger than the mirror at the sides of it. They smile, they thank God, they know now that they should have look to the future wider, make it as clear as possible, and only make a small peek to the enemies and problem, even only look a while at the past.

They thank the thinking tree. They thank God. They thank life. They thank each other.